It's very windy here this evening. I don't like it.
There's a wind warning in effect. The weather network has advised of this in stark red lettering: Wind warning in effect. It catches your attention. You can't miss it. The winds are gusting up to 80 kph. It's disturbing, or at least, I find it so.
I don't like turbulent weather. I feel edgy and restless, uncertain and just wanting to hide away until it blows over and calm is restored once more. The window my desk faces is good sized, and through it I can see the large elm trees, whose leafy branches are being tossed to and fro in the gusts. I could close the curtains, draw the blinds, but I find myself reluctant to do so. As much as the view is disturbing, I decide I'd rather know what's going on right outside my window, than not. This is obviously a contradiction in terms, but I'm like that. While I do not relish turbulence and/or crisis, I understand that in terms of weather, it's wise to stay on top of it, not to turn your back to it, because shit happens, and I'd rather a large branch dislodged by said wicked wind not come crashing through my window and catch me unawares.
There have been sirens from emergency vehicles filling the air for the last couple of hours. I haven't a hot clue what the crises are, and really would rather not know, unless it affects me directly. But there are some people who thrive in times of crisis, who could not live without some crisis or another, whether it be natural or personal. I've known people like this, and they puzzle me inordinately. I've known people who will lament endlessly the personal crises they face, day in and day out, who complain bitterly of having to live exposed to such, but who do not make the choice to remove themselves, for their own personal peace.
Please note: I am not speaking of people in any kind of life-saving profession, or those thrill seekers who chase tornados, or what have you. I'm speaking of people whose personal lives are overrun with family crises, who have family members who simply cannot seem to avoid embroiling themselves in some kind of emotional turmoil, and who then drag others, the very ones I am referring to, into this crisis
I have known people who cannot remove themselves from these situations. Who will not remove themselves. Even though they complain endlessly, bitterly, and quite vehemently. This makes no sense to me. But to tell them this, and to suggest that they would be better off if they did remove themselves is met with, at best, resigned and tired laughter, or at worst, a scornfully phrased comment such as, You just don't understand, it's not that easy.
Well, okay, actually, yes it is. In my world, yes it is. I refuse to subject myself to the whims of someone else's crisis. Unless I can actually make a difference. And unless the person experiencing the crisis is willing to affect some kind of change so said crisis no longer occurs, or occurs less frequently. Then no, sorry, I'm not a willing participant in your crisis. I do not need the stress, the aggravation, that your crisis brings to my life, my being. You may think this incredibly selfish of me. In fact, it quite likely is. And I'm okay with that.
I may not be able to control the wind, that's tossing the tree branches about like so much tissue paper. But I can control which stresses affect me, that other people allow into their lives, that I simply will not, for the most part, allow into mine. Peace of mind is important to me. Peace overall is important to me. I actively seek this out. I do not bury my head in the sand, but I will not involve myself with anyone who lives from one crisis to the next.
It's a choice. It may not be someone else's choice. But it's mine. And it lends me peace. Which is all that matters.